Marriage: The School of Two Natures

*Written for a beloved sister & bride-to-be. 

Our first year  . . . or two . . . or three . . . of marriage was rough. We fought a lot. What happened? Did we change? Dating was bliss, but marriage was . . . well, hard. I specifically remember one night (early on in marriage after yet another fight) picking up my Bible to search out every single Scripture that I could find on being a godly wife and woman.

"Wives be subject to your own husband, as to the Lord . . . As the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." 
Ephesians 5:22, 24

“Be reverent in your behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good . . . encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” 
Titus 2:3-5

And of course there is Proverbs 31:10-31 . . . Although I specifically remember reading this passage and feeling overwhelmed, but praise God for verse 30,

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

No more southern charm and make-up! 

However, the more I studied Scripture the more I realized that our marriage is LESS about Amy & BJ and more about Christ. Our marriage (according to John Piper) is about, displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. Our marriage is ultimately about KNOWING and TREASURING Christ”. Tim Keller says,

“Men, you’ll never be a good groom to your wife unless you’re first a good bride to Jesus.” 

I also love this quote by C.S. Lewis says,

“When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.”

You see, beloved sister, a husband and wife must first and purposefully love God BEST if they desire to love one another better.

B. J. has been preaching through the letter Paul wrote to the Galatian church. I have been especially blessed by chapter 5. We have been looking at what a life governed by the flesh and a life governed by the Spirit looks like.

Paul laid before the Galatians two types of lives.

1.  One kind life is excluded from the kingdom of God - the life of carrying out the desires of the flesh (our sinful nature).

^"Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." 
Galatians 5:19-21

2.  The other kind of life is indicative of God’s kingdom - the life controlled by the Spirit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit." 
Galatians 5:22-25

"If we are walking with the Spirit, and if the Spirit is always glorifying Jesus, then we will also constantly be on the move toward and after Jesus. A life of blossoming and pruning, bearing fruit and trimming, a life of growth and gospel progress. A life of learning and loving more and more about Jesus." B. J. Maxwell

What I have found particularly interesting (and freeing) is that the fruit of the Spirit is worked out in the context of relationships and community.

I have often said things like,

“I was an awesome parent before I had kids!”
“I never knew I was an angry person until I got married . . . or had kids.”

Apparently, it is OTHER people who cause me to be less Christ-like. However, quite the opposite is true. Other-ness is essential to Christ-likeness.

Quoting B. J. again,

“We can’t isolate ourselves and enjoy the fruit of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit only works when there are others to whom we’re committed. The fruit of the Spirit is only real when expressed in community (relationships). Spirit fruit is never measured in a mirror, but only through a window . . . For instance, look at gentleness or love. There’s no such thing as gentleness or love if there’s no OBJECT of gentleness or love. We’re only gentle or loving to the degree we are relieving and loving sinful, weary, and heavy-laden people. We can’t isolate ourselves from everyone we don’t like, then stare at ourselves in the mirror and declare ourselves loving, gentle, joyful, etc. We only belong to Christ— indwelled by the Spirit—if we consistently demonstrate the Christ’s life in real life situations with real people. This is a life the Spirit produces in us that can only be explained by the power of Christ!”

As Galatians 5:6 says, what really matters is “FAITH working through LOVE”. Biblical love needs an object. Christ Jesus is the object, the subject, and the verb! And since we have been crucified with Christ, we now have the command, freedom, ability, and joy to be ambassadors of His love to those around us.

I entitled this devotional “Marriage: The School of Two Natures”. The Christ-nature is others-directed. The flesh-nature is self-focused. Your marriage will be a training field for the Christ-filled nature, a nature that is others-directed in gentleness and love. It will be a training ground for you to exercise and put on Christ (remember, Paul described the fruit of Christ and the Spirit as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control). It is in marriage where you will primarily love, serve, and relieve another fellow brother in Christ who is just as sinful, weak, and heavy-laden. And, as with any training, it will take years of faithful perseverance and intentional sowing. It will take a long obedience in the same direction . . . “running with endurance the race that is set before [you], fixing [your] eyes on Jesus” Hebrews 12:1-2.

My favorite passage of Scripture comes from the book of James. In chapter 3, he poses the question, “Who among you is wise and understanding?"  James then answers his question by describing the FLESH and SPIRIT-FILLED natures:

“Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
James 3:13-18

Beloved bride, my prayer is that you will put on the wisdom of James 3:17 as you love, serve, and extend grace to your husband, your children, and your community, in the many days and years to come. It will not be easy, but Christ has gone before You, paying the price the law demanded, so that you may be equipped to love “purely” (1 Timothy 1:5) and “fervently” (1 Peter 1:22). I pray that you will not grow weary, dear sister (2 Thessalonians 3:13, Hebrews 12:3, Isaiah 40:31, Galatians 6:9). Jesus “has granted to [you] everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3).

In closing, I would like to share with you one of my all-time favorite book quotes. In the book, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life, Donald Whitney emphasizes the importance of Scripture intake. Beloved sister, I pray that the Word of God (both in flesh and written word) will always enliven your soul to pursue and love the Christ-like life that loves, serves, and extends grace to others:

“Let the Word break over your heart and mind again and again as the years go by, and imperceptibly there will come great changes in your attitude and outlook and conduct. You will probably be the last to recognize these. Often you will feel very, very small, because increasingly the God of the Bible will become to you wonderfully great. So go on reading it until you can read no longer, and then you will not need the Bible anymore, because when your eyes close for the last time in death, and never again read the Word of God in Scripture you will open them to the Word of God in the flesh, that same Jesus of the Bible whom you have known for so long, standing before you to take you forever to His eternal home.”