Merriam Webster defines SORROW as “deep distress, sadness, or regret especially for the loss of someone or something loved.”
You never know when sorrow will penetrate the heart . . .
There will be moments when you don't feel the depths of “distress” and “sadness” and you begin to find normalcy again. You might even laugh at something silly or forget for a time all that has happened. But then, there are moments – completely unexpected – when all the emotions coming rushing back.
Today was a good day. I was laughing with the children. I enjoyed putting together one of my favorite puzzles. I did not feel weighed down with grief, but hopeful –
HOPEFUL that Christ would help us through this. Then, I decided to read a book and lay down for a nap . . . And there SHE was. I woke up a few times and was completely convinced that I was back in one of our hotel rooms caring for HER. Completely disorientated, I would sit up and look for HER. But SHE was not there. After a minute or so, I would remember.
That past two days I have been surprised at the things that have triggered grief and sorrow -
- I wake up constantly in the night, tossing and turning, feeling like I need to get up, and I remember . . . I was up all night/every night with HER the past 32 days.
- I open the fridge and see leftovers that I did not make, and I remember . . . I was not here to feed my family because I was with HER in Maryland.
- I hear the cry of a baby on a cartoon that the kids are watching. My heart breaks, and I remember . . . It was HER cry that I listened for day and night.
- I pick up my wash cloth in the shower and wonder if it's clean. It's dry, and I remember . . . It's dry because I was gone from home for a month with HER.
But . . . God is able.
In fact, Jesus Himself said it was better for Him to leave so that the Spirit would come (John 16:7).
Why is the Spirit so great?
- "But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of Mine and will disclose it to you. All things that the Father has are Mine; therefore I said that He takes of Mine and will disclose it to you.” John 16:13-15
- “All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Comforter, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:25, 26
- "But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Comforter will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.” John 16:7
So, I press on . . . with the help of the Spirit, the work of Christ, and the love of the Father.
And even though it is so painful to pray (picturing her little face in my mind and heart), I keep on praying for God to complete the GOOD WORK He is doing in HER life, as well as our life through this momentary and light affliction.