This past year I read her biography, by Sharon James (which I highly recommend), and now I am enjoying her book, Stepping Heavenward! Elizabeth is an incrediably gifted and honest writer. I just recently read and marveled at the following journal entry from her book:
It is high time to stop and think. I have been like one running a race, and am stopping to take a breath. I do not like the way things have been going lately. I feel restless and ill at ease. I see that if I would be happy in God, I must give Him all. And there is a wicked reluctance to do that. I want Him - but I want to have my own way, too. I want to walk humbly and softly before Him, and I want to go where I shall be admired and applauded. To whom shall I yield? To God? Or to myself? The issue must be settled once and for all.Why do I love this wretchedly honest statement? Because it exposes the very struggle of my heart! I find myself wanting to do God's will, yet finding much satisfaction and security in being "admired and applauded". I long for approval and high esteem. Why? Because I have not truly died to self. Because I want the glory that is due to Christ alone.
To whom shall I yield?
Do I yield to the flesh? Do I keep seeking my worth in man? The applaud and praise of man only leaves me empty and boastful of self. Is this what I truly desire as a Christ follower? What do I want others to see in my life? Self or a soul redeemed and glorified in Christ!
Do I yield to God? Only in Him can I find true satisfaction and rest for my soul. He is the protector and sustainer of my life. I deny Him when I boast in self. I deny His power, mercy and grace. I want God to receive all praise and honor . . . Yet self is always there - hungry for attention - crying for admiration - screaming for a standing ovation.
Father, give me a heart that is satisfied in You alone. Give me a heart that is humble like our gentle Savior, Christ Jesus. Give me a heart that proclaims Your fame, Your goodness, Your wisdom and Your abundant grace. Forgive me, Father, for the "wicked reluctance" I have in holding my self in such high esteem.
May all glory, power and honor be Yours.
Praise be to God alone through Christ Jesus our Lord!