The Sting of Rejection
If you could see inside the corridors
of my heart, to see the joy, pain, & fears, you would find an
entangling weed that has
taken residence for years. I don't remember when it first began to
grow, or when I finally felt its cold, drab grip. For years it bore
roots, seeping into every thought and action. But, by the grace of
God alone, it is slowly withering away. Christ Jesus has been the
only hope and remedy. He has been a healing balm.
What is this awful weed that rears its
ugly head? It grew from the trenches of fear and was watered by a
need for love & approval. You see, the thing I dread the most,
the millstone I long to hurl, is the fear of rejection. Simply put, I
walk into every relationship expecting to be rejected.
God has blessed me with many wonderful
relationships that have not ended in pain and rejection. In fact,
those relationships that have “failed” are just a tiny
percentage. Yet, I still fear it will happen. I have never felt
rejected from my husband nor have I dealt with the disdain or hate of
my children. Our little family chooses to love & forgive and we
work through the challenging stuff. If there is anything I long to
teach my children, I long for them to know and live out the grace and
love of Christ Jesus our Lord. In that type of love, that freedom of
grace, all fear is lost and a flood gate of JOY abounds! Hallelujah!
I long to embrace the Christ-exalting love, joy, and freedom I feel
within my family as I cultivate relationships with those around me.
Why do I fear rejection? Do I desire man's approval? I believe God's
Word to be true. I believe what God says in Galatians 1:10 and 2:20,
“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ . . . I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
That is truth. That is freedom! Yet, though I long to live a life
pleasing to God alone, this fear of rejection from man plagues me.
I believe we all long to be loved and
accepted. This is not necessarily a sinful desire. We long to be
loved by family and friends, to know that we actually mean something
to them. Perhaps this is but a taste of Heaven where our love for God
and one another will flow like rivers into a vast ocean, its depths
and currents running long and wide. Even Scripture itself testifies
to the fact that love is a great and marvelous gift! God commands us
to pursue and give of it willingly.
But a life of faith, a life of love, is
not easy. Though full of unimaginable joy in Christ, suffering,
sorrow, and pain abound. Until our eyes close in death, we will
battle our flesh and the darkness of this world. Indeed, if there is
anything we can be certain of as a believer, it is the fact that we
WILL suffer this side of Heaven. People will hurt us. Relationships
will fail. And no matter how hard we try, we will wound others.
I was molested when I was a teenager. I
thought I was receiving love and approval, but I was not. It was an
act of selfishness and sin. For years my soul anguished over this
betrayal and loss of innocence. It wasn't until I was in college that
the Lord opened my heart to forgive and extend grace to those who had
hurt me. Hallelujah! I discovered much freedom and joy in
forgiveness. I had never tasted that before. There is, indeed,
something ever so sweet in giving all your pain & anger to Jesus,
knowing that He alone will vindicate what has been wronged. In
Christ, I have been set free. And in forgiveness there is joy &
hope!
God's Word commands us to forgive.
Jesus Himself says in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive men when
they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But
if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive
your sins.” This has always convicted my soul. Who am I to withhold
forgiveness when God has forgiven me time and time again? I love
Daniel 9:9, “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even
though we have rebelled against him.” Indeed, He is a gracious and
loving Heavenly Father! Through His Son, Jesus Christ, there is not
only the forgiveness of sins, but there is power to forgive &
love the unforgivable.
I have felt the sting of rejection and
betrayal in other relationships. Though I have no desire to call out
names or wound those that have hurt me, I have felt the unimaginable
pain of rejection from close family and friends. This pain has
perhaps been one of the hardest to shed. But should I be surprised,
as if God owes me a life void of this? For even Christ Himself
suffered rejection and was betrayed by those whom He loved. WE
rejected Christ, the Son of God, who knew no sin. So why does it hurt
so much? It hurts because we are not made to live in love-less
relationships. We were made in the image of Christ Himself, the Son
of God. Scripture testifies that “the one who does not love does
not know God, for God is love.” (I John 4:8) Love-less
relationships, an unforgiving spirit, a heart that does not seek
reconciliation . . . all of these do not bring honor to God. Period.
To reject a brother or sister, whom God has accepted in Christ, is an
attempt to overrule God. My soul shudders to think of such pride.
Yet, the very thing I fear is often the
very thing I am guilty of. We have all chosen hate over love, anger
over humility, and silence over reconciliation. If we are honest, we
must confess that we have lied, manipulated, and selfishly pawned our
way through the lives of those around us. I think of Jeremiah 17:9,
“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?” The only remedy to broken relationships . .
. the only remedy for fear, anger, hurt, and rejection is Jesus
Christ our Lord! “He himself bore our sins in his body on the
cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by
his wounds [we] have been healed." (I Peter 2:24) Praise Him
with shouts of JOY!
My prayer this year is for grace to
continue persevering each day in the truths of Scripture. I will
battle with fears & sin
until my eyes close in death. Oh, how my soul longs for that
day, when my eyes shall finally open to see the Word of God in the
FLESH! But until then, I pray the Lord would help me to truly love
and forgive those around me. I pray to crucify that dread
of rejection that weighs so heavy on my soul. I pray the Lord
would continue to supply His healing balm. I do not have the power to
remove this rooted milestone . . . but Jesus does! How?
It is no longer I that lives.
It is CHRIST that lives in me!
Run to Jesus, my friends. Having a
relationship with Christ is not merely believing. James 2:19 says,
“You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe,
and shudder.” Satan and his demons believe in God but they are not
counted as righteous. They are forever damned by God's wrath and
judgment. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 7:14, “For the gate is
small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who
find it.”
Has God done a work in your heart? I
love what John Piper has to say about the assurance of salvation:
The most agonizing problem about the assurance of salvation is not the problem of whether the objective facts of Christianity are true (God exists, Christ is God, Christ died for sinners, Christ rose from the dead, Christ saves forever all who believe, etc.). Those facts are the utterly crucial bedrock of our faith. But the really agonizing problem of assurance is whether I personally am saved by those facts.”
If you have ever asked yourself the
following questions: “Do I really have saving faith? Is my faith
real? Am I self-deceived? Am I a child of God?” I encourage you to
finish reading Piper's article.
A hymn I love to sing (Eliza E. Hewitt,
pub.1891) . . .
My faith has found a resting place,
Not in device or creed;
I trust the ever-living One,
His wounds for me shall plead.
I need no other argument,
I need no other plea,
It is enough that Jesus died,
And that He died for me.Enough for me that Jesus saves,
This ends my fear and doubt;
A sinful soul I came to Him,
He’ll never cast me out.My heart is leaning on the Word,
The living Word of God,
Salvation by my Savior’s name,
Salvation through His blood.
My great physician heals the sick,_______________________
The lost He came to save;
For me His precious blood He shed,
For me His life He gave.
And my favorite psalm, one that has
brought much comfort to my soul,
Psalm 27
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.
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